


"Love's Going To Get You Killed."

by PassionPhantom



Series: W.I.P fics [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Abused Castiel (Supernatural), Abused Dean, Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Feels, Bottom Castiel, Bullied Castiel, Bullying, Castiel (Supernatural) is Fifteen Years Old, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiel is Not Okay, Castiel is a Sweetheart, Child Abuse, Chubby Castiel, Chuck Shurley is Not God, Chuck Shurley is a Novak, Dean Winchester is Protective of Castiel, Dean Winchester is Seventeen Years Old, Dean is a Good Friend, Destiel - Freeform, Dubious Consent, Eating Disorders, Eventual Comfort and Fluff, Experienced Dean, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gay Castiel, Gay Dean Winchester, Getting to Know Each Other, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Innocent Castiel, Loneliness, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Virginity, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Naive Castiel, Oral Sex, Physical Abuse, Play Fighting, Preacher's Kid Castiel, Prostitute Dean, Prostitution, Rape/Non-con Elements, Religious Conflict, Rough Kissing, Suicidal Castiel, Suicidal Dean, Suicide Attempt, Switching, Teenage Castiel/Teenage Dean Winchester, Top Dean, Trust, Underage Drinking, Underage Masturbation, Underage Prostitution, Underage Sex, Underage Smoking, school fights
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-01-27 19:02:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12588524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PassionPhantom/pseuds/PassionPhantom
Summary: Constantly bullied and abused Castiel Novak knows and believes that no one will ever love him. But things soon change for him when he meets Dean Winchester, an older and deeply troubled boy, who develops an interest in Castiel and all the scars he has.+++This story is currently being revised/re-beta'd UPDATES COMING SOON+++





	1. Deal.

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to do a story about a Chubby!Castiel who wants love and affection. But what was intended to be light, fluffy and happy turned into something dark and angsty real fast.  
> UPDATE: I rewrote the entire first chapter so it would have more backstory for Cas.  
> And note Chuck Shurley is known as "Charles Novak" in the fic.
> 
> This fic means a lot to me and i have decided to marathon write it for the next few days so expect some frequent updates. Depending on how i feel the chapters will be around 1,000 or 2,000 words or even drabbles around 500.  
> I also added the underage warning because Dean and Castiel are teenagers/adolescents. Castiel is 15 and Dean is 17. For what they will go through it only felt appropriate to put the warning.  
> I admit I am writing this on the fly so there will be some mistake here and there but I will do my best to fix it all in time.But despite all the angst I hope you guys enjoy reading.  
>  **Additional notes to be added later.**
> 
>  
> 
> There is also a soundtrack to this fic that can be found on youtube, ["Love's Going To Get You Killed- A Destiel Fanfic Soundtrack" ](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDmLmWwcOVi1UZqjQ87c8JolUMY2TzUhj)

Young Castiel Novak never thought he would ever be loved and there was nothing that could convince him otherwise. Not only because he was considered a loser at school and didn’t have any real friends but it was because of how he looked. Castiel stared at himself in the mirror and thought of how plain he was. His skin was pale, ashen and blemished. Covered in fading scars from the beatings he received from bullies and his father, Charles. Castiel ran his hand over his limp dark hair. Trying to smooth away the small fly aways that seem to remain in the same wild spot no matter what he did.

Sighing at himself Castiel blinked his big round blue eyes. Finding them to be the only thing he liked about himself. The only thing…and he allowed his eyes to drift down to his body. Plump, round and soft. Castiel hugged his thick waist and full belly and studied himself.

There is a constant struggle when it comes to being overweight. The millions of questions that run through your head throughout the day as you speak to people. Wondering if they like you or not. Wondering if they are judging you about your looks and secretly relishing in the fact that they were not you. Not fat.

Castiel blinked again remembering his first day back to school. How no one really talked to him. Barely a friendly hello. It was all routine yes and Castiel acknowledged that it was no one else’s fault other than his own for looking the way he did. But it didn’t stop him from yearning for a simple hello. Or a real friendship.

There was at least Balthazar, who was once friendly to Cas during their freshman year. Though things soon fell apart when Balthazar found out Castiel’s deepest secret. Balthazar wasn’t comfortable with knowing that Castiel was gay…and what made things worse between them was when Castiel told Balthazar how he felt about him.

 

Castiel thought he was in love.

Or that he at least finally found someone who he thought liked him. He thought that he could trust his ‘best’ friend. But after that day during their winter break…after the near kiss…. Castiel knew that Balthazar would never talk to him again. And Cas was right, Balthazar made a point to ignore Castiel for the rest of that year.

     

‘This is as good it’s going to be…. Just another day, Castiel. It’s nothing new.’ Cas thought to himself walking away from the mirror and gathering his back pack. He expected nothing special for Sophomore year at Oswald High. Nothing new at all. Every day will be exactly the same. Same halls. Same people. Same bullies… Insults,  punches to the gut and slaps over the head. Same old moments of being pushed into lockers and also being made fun of for not fitting into said lockers.  

It was all from his tormentors, The Prince brothers, Junior year students with nothing better to do than to make Castiel’s life a living hell. They always made a point to target Castiel throughout various times of the day.

Asmodeus Prince, the oldest, would take the morning shifts with harassing Cas and knocking down his books or stealing his bag and tossing it into the garbage. Azazel, the second brother, would usually taunt Cas during lunch by snatching away Cas’ food and throwing it over his head while saying,

“I think you’ve had enough, Mr. Piggy!”

 And then there was Ramiel Prince, the third brother, who handled beating Cas up at the end of the day. Punching Cas repeatedly in the face or the gut and pushing him down the school stairs. Castiel had fallen so bad once that he fractured his right wrist and Ramiel, who had always made sure to assault Cas when there weren’t any witnesses, left running away while Cas cried holding his wrist while lying face down on the concrete.

 

The Prince brothers made sure that Castiel suffered in every way possible. It had got to a point when Castiel grew extremely lonely and decided to make a social media account in an attempt to make friends. But as soon as the brothers caught wind of Castiel’s new step forward to actually socialize they began to bully him online as soon as possible.

Castiel didn’t know how they found out about his webpage but they private messaged him continuous insults daily and later the boys hacked Castiel’s account and posted various amounts of porn on his account’s main wall and changed the privacy settings for everyone to see.

Castiel had frozen with horror as all the videos played all at once. Terror ripping at his heart as he realized that the volume was on full blast and that his dad was upstairs.

Strict and religious Castiel’s father, Charles Novak, heard the pornographic noises coming from the living room’s desktop. Believing that his youngest son was online researching for a paper and not knowing anything about Castiel’s secret social media account Charles came running. Stomping down the stairs in a blood red fury.

 

Castiel was so confused and frightened that he didn’t hear his father coming. He was too busy trying to delete the porn and his as well as his account immediately. But the more he clicked the more porn windows started to play.

“What the hell was that noise, Castiel! Are you watching porn on the computer! You little nasty fuck!”

Castiel turned just in time to be met with a punch to the face. Charles grabbed his son by the hair and dragged him across the floor.

“Dad! Wait please I can explain!” Cas begged but it was no use. His father was already on him with his belt. Whipping at Castiel’s back and legs.

“Dad, No no! It’s no-t what you think-k!” Castiel cried out but the beating continued….

 

Castiel was left on the floor as Charles went to the computer and checked everything that was on it. Besides the porn, Charles found Castiel’s secret webpage. He turned back to his son with a roaring wrath.

 

And when the second beating was over Castiel lied still on the floor mindlessly hurt and confused. An hour passed before he finally got up to go his tiny bedroom. There he laid in his bed crying out in frustration.

 

That was just freshmen year and now Castiel expected nothing more than the same old shit this year. Nothing could get worse.

I think it’s best if I just keep my head down and just go through it. The worse they could do is actually kill me….I mean it will be a bit of a favor really.’ Castiel thought to himself while walking into school.  

The main hall was full of students rushing around and laughing. Too loud and excited in the morning for it to make any sense.

Castiel stepped passed everyone and went to his locker that was further down the hallway. And as if on cue Asmodeus snuck up on Cas and pushed him.

“Top of the morning, bitch.”

Castiel turned in fear and fury as Asmodeus smiled at him. Castiel had expected something more. A punch, a wet willy or a straight kick in the ass. But Asmodeus continued to walk away to the other side of the hall. There he stopped to whisper something to his sister, the insanely beautiful Dagon Prince. She turned immediately to look at the young chubby sophomore. 

 

“Oh yeah You can totally tell that he is gay!” Dagon said VERY loudly. So much that other people’s heads turned to see who they were talking about.

Asmodeus roared with laughter while other students started to whisper immediately.

Castiel stood frozen.

Shock paralyzing his entire body. Castiel wasn’t open about his sexuality for a reason. Besides being overweight and having a religious family Castiel knew for a fact that no one would ever like him back anyway. And ultimately he knew that the Prince brothers would start to humiliate him more than what they already have.

 

            “Wait seriously, Dagon, how can you tell?” Asmodeus asked and Dagon shrugged.

            “Intuition…now move!” Dagon pushed her brother and headed to class ignoring the boy from afar. Asmodeus looked at Castiel with a devious smirk that made the sweat pour down Castiel’s face. And with that joyfully evil look in the older boy’s eye Castiel knew that this school year will be completely different than before.

* * *

 

Later that day when school finally let out Castiel walked home with his head held low. His headphones were on blast with Deftone’s _Minerva_ playing and Castiel just let the moments go by as the music destroyed his eardrums. Something was different in the day. After the morning incident Asmodeus and his siblings didn’t pick on Castiel throughout the day like in the past. And this both relieved and scared Cas as he lingered throughout the day waiting for the bullying to finally start.

A part of Cas wanted to believe that maybe the Prince brothers were just getting tired of him. But Cas remembered that look Asmodeus gave him. He knew something was up…. but some part of him didn’t care as he walked up the busy street. He just listened to his music hoping that a car would hit him and end his suffering.

 

Castiel sighed when it didn’t happen…he frowned and continued to walk until suddenly he was grabbed from behind.

 

“Hey you fat ass faggot!!” It was Asmodeus and his brothers. They ripped off Castiel’s headphones and laughed. Pushing him around and dragging him in the alleyway Castiel was just passing.

 

“Stop it! Wasn’t this morning enough for you!” Castiel shouted out at Asmodeus with anger and agitation. Asmodeus laughed and slapped Cas and let his brothers slam him up against the brick wall.

“Naw Tubby! We’re just about to get started!” Asmodeus said.

“Rumor is that you like cock, Mr. Piggy!” Ramiel chuckled poking Castiel in the stomach. 

            “Aww man come on! So what if I do!” Castiel shouted and suddenly tried to break free. Asmodeus rolled his eyes and pushed Castiel back up against the wall with ease.

The two other boys laughed and grinned together.

“Now. Now Castiel. Don’t get all feisty you’re in for a real treat today…” Asmodeus said with the same devious smirk from before. “We gotta deal for you and we promise to let you get off easy for the week…. hell, we’ll probably leave you alone for the whole year…. if you suck our dicks that is.”

 

Castiel’s eyes shot open.

Azazel laughed at him and said,

“Yeah and you like it though anyway, so why not?” Azazel went to pinch Cas on the cheek and Cas flinched away. It only took a second but the guys began to crowd around Cas.

 And Castiel curled inwardly attempting to shield himself from them.

“No, no I don’t want to.”

“Well if you don’t we’ll just have to kick your ass.” Asmodeus said. “So do it…or not it’s up to you, Porky.”

Castiel looked up at the older boys in fear.  All he wanted was to get home. But something in him made him think about the deal. Honestly… Castiel was just tired of being beaten up all the time, by the Brothers and his own father on top of that, and the thought of having a whole year off from the bullying caught his attention.

With that thought Castiel suddenly realized that he had never gone down on anyone before…let alone actually kiss someone either. But now here he was in this alleyway desperate enough to even think about going down on his tormentors.

And it was just…. if anything could get him out of another beating from the Prince brothers than it might just be worth it.

So Castiel timidly nodded his head at Asmodeus’ offer.

Asmodeus grinned devilishly watching as Castiel began to shake violently. Blinded by tears Cas got on to his knees. The moisture of the ground soaking through his jeans.

“Me first,” Asmodeus laughed as unbuckled his pants, undid his boxers and grabbed Castiel by the back of his head. 


	2. Heaven.

There was nothing much left in life for Dean Winchester.

His father was gone.

His mother was gone.

And Sammy had just gotten sick after his thirteenth birthday. Falling ill to the disease known as Lupus Sammy was often in a serious amount of pain and could no longer leave the house back in their old town, Springston. Though after their father John Winchester was taken to prison for first degree murder Dean and Sam had to move in with their uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen in Belleview. And Sam cried as he had to be carried out the house in Dean’s arms. Clinging to his brother desperately as the pain racked his body. Calling for his mother who was now gone because of John.

 

Like Springston, Belleview was just another cold small town. Boring and quiet. Filled with motels, old churches, liquor stores, homeless people and run down schools that resembled prisons. The large nearly windowless buildings made Dean think of his father and the night when it all happened….

 

 The argument between his parents that was because of him. Dean had finally gotten the courage to come out to his mother and John over heard.

“I anit gonna have A faggot for a son!!” John roared. Bursting into the kitchen with fiery fury that scared his wife and son. Mary jumped quickly to defend her son and When John hit his wife Dean lost it. Tackling his father and receiving punches to the back. But John was so much stronger than his teenage son and the fight soon turned a vicious beating that Mary had to intervene.

“JOHN!!! JOHN!! STOP IT! YOU’RE HURTING HIM!!!!!” Mary screamed and jumped on her husband’s back. Pulling his shirt and Punching at his sides. Though John ignored her and continued to punch Dean in the face and stomp on his back.

When Dean passed out from one last punch John turned to his wife just in time to be met with a slap. And It was the last straw for John Winchester. He lost it and saw nothing but red.

Dragging Mary across the floor and wrestling her down John choked his wife. Squeezing her thin neck until his fingers were able to cross.

Mary kicked her legs in desperation. Her thoughts screaming for Dean, who was still passed out on the floor. Worry in her heart for Sam. He hadn’t been looking too good for the last few days and Mary wanted to take care of him. She wanted to keep her sons safe from the dangers of life, illness and pain…from hate. From John.

 

John huffed and release his wife’s neck but she was still and unbreathing. Looking at her and feeling nothing he remained silent and got up to grab a beer from the kitchen counter. Moving slowly throughout the house, looking at the family photos and smashing the frames John made his way to the front door. He walked right through it without a second thought. Never looking back.

 

Dean had finally come to when he heard the door slam.

 **.   .   .**  

Uncle Bobby’s house in Belleview was small and right around the corner from the auto shop he owned. There Dean found work in order to pay for Sammy’s treatments but it was all final. Dean could see it coming. That Sammy was going to die to.

 

 Soon.  

 

It happened on a Monday. Right before Dean got up for work with Uncle Bobby. He rolled over in the bed they shared to look over at Sam to see if he was awake. To greet him in the mornings like he always did. But Sam’s eyes were closed and his body was still…very still.

Slowly, Dean reached over and touched his brothers tiny shoulder. He had lost so much weight over the past month and his shoulder was still warm. Sam had died just moments before Dean woke up. His dreams were nothing short of a strange peace within all the pain.

 

Young Samuel Winchester’s funeral was held on a Sunday at Belleview Cathedral, a little church on the west side of town. The service was led by the Pastor Charles Novak and there was barely anyone present that day. Just Dean, Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen a few church elders and lastly the Pastor’s son. An overweight boy with dark hair and big blue eyes who wore a plain black suit that was wrinkled and a little too small on him.

 

Dean was completely lost. His heart so broken that he couldn’t cry. First Mary and now Sammy. He sat back in his seat and sighed somberly. Pressing his lips in anger as the Pastor preached on Heaven and hell. As the fat boy with the too tight suit cried.

 

‘Why the fuck is he crying? He didn’t even know Sammy.’ Dean’s tightened his fist making his knuckles pop. He shook out of anger and confusion. ‘Why the fuck would he even care.’  Dean looked over at the boy who wiped his face and suddenly look up at Dean.

 

 

Something was in the air as they stared at one another. A certain heaviness in the atmosphere. Dean’s mind and heart was filled with animosity while Castiel’s was filled with pain and suffering for other reasons. Castiel had been barely paying attention to the funeral as he cried. He had been tearing up all morning since Charles hit him again for taking too long in the bathroom.

“Hurry your fucking ass up Castiel!!” Charles roared and pushed Castiel in the hallway of their home. Holding his head down low, Castiel did as he was told. Ignoring the fact that he had gained more weight and that he wouldn’t be able to fit his old suit.

At the church Castiel wept and vomited in the men’s bathroom before coming into the sanctuary. He was in pain and feeling sick to his stomach because he wasn’t eating properly. And days went pass with Castiel forcing himself to throw up. Not in hopes to lose weight but that he would die somehow.

Castiel was jealous of the boy inside the coffin. He didn’t know who Sam Winchester was but he deeply envied him. To be finally laid to rest, free from the world and all the shit in it. Castiel wanted to be in there. In the ground. In Heaven…or even hell. Because nowhere can be worse than the alleyway on Kirk’s street.   

 

After the funeral was finally over and Sammy was buried Reverend Novak and his son came over to the Singer’s and Dean. Giving their apologies and condolences.

“If you ever need anything we’re here.” Castiel said to the taller, older boy in a recited way with a forced smile and an extended hand.

Dean looked at the plump boy and suddenly became infuriated.

“Yeah… right.”  He scoffed and slapped Castiel’s hand away in front of everyone.

“Dean!” Bobby and Ellen exclaimed. But Dean stomped out of the sanctuary before anyone else could say anything. Leaving the church and walking away from everything.  

 

 

There was just nothing much left in life for Dean Winchester now. Nothing…so Dean let himself go. Days passed while he lost all control. Internally he snapped and became someone he barely recognized. Sneaking into the town’s bars, getting into brawls with older men and drinking to the point of passing out on the street. Never returning back to Uncle Bobby’s Dean began to make cash by sleeping with same old truckers he fought.

Allowing them to do things to him for small wads of cash that Dean would just go spend on more booze. Vomiting in a random bar’s bathroom Dean finally cried.

“Sammy…” He sobbed and stumbled over to the mirror. The lights flickered dim with a bluish glow. And Dean couldn’t recognize himself in the mirror. Not his sandy light brown hair or his deep green eyes. His hair was disheveled and matted. His eyes were strange and harsh. Lips busted and bruised from the fights. The bitter taste of cum still in the back of his throat from going down on man for twenty dollars. Just for another case of beer. Or a bottle of whiskey. Dean didn’t see the seventeen-year-old he once was. The one who loved his mom and took care of his little brother; the one who loved music, art, cartoons and video games. Dean didn’t see anything but hurt and anguish. Thick confusion and tears. His heart ripped in half as he realized what he had been doing to himself.

But it was too late. Sammy and Mary were dead and John was too far off so Dean couldn’t kill him the way he wanted. There was just no use in living.

 

 _“The soul last forever. Either in eternal peace or eternal damnation.”_ Pastor Novak had preached. Saying that good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell. Sammy had been a great boy. A loving soul. Dean knew he was in heaven…. but after all that has happened Dean wasn’t too sure for himself. But he didn’t care because there was no point in anything.

 

‘And there was no point in killing myself either.’ Dean thought as he now stood by the town’s bridge. ‘Because if the soul lives forever then I will still be alive in hell…whatever the fuck that means.’ Dean shook his head and stood on the edge of the bridge. Tears falling down his face.

‘There’s no point living or dying because if I can’t destroy my soul then I can’t be free of this pain. I won’t be able to let go of them. But I just can’t do this anymore….’

 

Dean leaned forward slowly and fell into the deep water below.

* * *

Sheriff Jody Mills stepped out the patrol car and headed in the Singer’s home. Bobby’s face dropped as he heard the news holding onto Ellen as she cried. Dean had been missing for two weeks and he was found lying face down on the east side river shore by Sheriff Mills and her partner Donna Hanscum.

“DONNA, HE’S ALIVE!!!” Jody shouted when she had checked for a pulse. Officer Hanscum’s eyes shot open wide and she called for an ambulance immediately.

 

 

 


	3. Thoughts.

**One month later...**

      Dean walked into the narrow crowded halls of Oswald High school heading to his assigned locker. Putting away his belongings he sighed and thought of Aunt Ellen and Uncle Bobby. After Dean was released from the hospital they worked hard to get Dean enrolled back into school during the middle of the semester. And it was discussed with multiple counselors and the principal that Dean would have to attend summer classes to keep from falling further behind.

 

“Going to school will do you some good Dean. Better than working at the garage.” Bobby said to Dean as he signed the enrollment papers.

Dean hadn’t said much but he agreed to it. He was still lost within himself…but a month in the hospital made Dean yearn for a change of scenery. Anything will be better that white walls and the sound of people crying in the middle of the night.

“And maybe this will be a good time for you to make some new friends.” Aunt Ellen hugged Dean before he headed off to into the hall. Dean nodded nonchalantly. She meant well but Ellen knew Dean didn’t want friends. He wanted his brother and mother back. That’s all he wanted. But still Ellen did what she could for her nephew and made sure he had everything he needed for his first day back to school. Notebooks, pencils and folders and whatever else that could be found around the house and at the local dollar store.

 

Dean was appreciative but he didn’t say anything that morning. he just hugged Ellen and waved good bye to Bobby before leaving the principal’s office and heading into the hall.     

 

Ignoring the stares and whispers of others who wondered who he was Dean continued to head straight to his locker and began to put his things away.

 

Sighing as he shoved his backpack into the tiny space Dean kept his mind and expression blank. He didn’t like the other students staring at him. Rolling his eyes as some girls giggled,

“He’s cute.” As they walked passed by. It reminded Dean of his old high school. Girls fawning over him and wanting to be with him. He had loved the attention actually. And found it funny when Sammy had asked him questions about what it was like. Dean didn’t know actually back at that time. He never really been with the girls. Just made out with them mostly and being relieved whenever a girl decided to stop.

Things didn’t change for Dean until he had finally kissed his oldest friend, Benny. Benny had kissed Dean back immediately afterward. They were in his apartment and Dean had been wanting to kiss someone for a while. He just didn’t know that he was gay or better yet he just ignored his feelings until he couldn’t ignore them any longer. And everything that night happened so fast and slow at the same time. Dean moaning from the bottom of his gut. Shivering to the bone as Benny Lafitte took his virginity. Kissing him everywhere….

 

But that was ages ago…and Benny was gone.

Just like Mary and Sammy.

 

            Dean frowned deeply at the sudden heartbreaking reminder. He slammed his locker closed and scoffed when it popped back open. Broken. Turning away and not caring Dean intended to leave out the back entrance of the school. It was an act that he was going to be in class but honestly Dean didn’t feel ready to be around other people. Especially the stupid clueless girls who would want his attention. Walking toward the black double doors Dean shoved his fist into his pockets and looked down trying not to be noticed. But as he walked Dean glanced up and froze as he saw a familiar face.

 

A chubby boy with big blue eyes and black hair.

Pastor Novak’s son.

 

Castiel had just walked into the school from the back entrance. His hair wet from the morning rain and his clothes dripping. Mindless and out of breath Castiel went to his locker with his head held low not realizing that the older boy was looking over at him.

 

“Hey.” Dean said simply when Castiel was passing. Castiel’s head shot up and he looked to see who was talking to him.  Not immediately recognizing the older boy Castiel blinked with a perplex expression. He was just in shock that someone was talking to him.

 

Their eyes locked together in a strange confusion. And the same heaviness from once before held the air.

Dean blinked noticing Castiel’s swollen cheek and busted lip.

Castiel blushed a little and looked at Dean hardened green eyes... feeling frightened for a moment until he noticed something sad about them. Then suddenly Cas remembered the funeral   and realized who he was standing next to.

 

“D-dean Winchester…It’s Dean right?” Castiel asked timidly.

Dean nodded blandly.

Castiel nodded to…and felt stupid in the awkward silence that fell between the two of them until Dean said, “Sorry for that day. I should have shaken your hand.”

Castiel was confused until he remembered what Dean had done after the funeral.

“It’s no problem.” Castiel said pressing his lips together and realizing that he was used to worse treatment. And use to the fact that no one ever really apologized to him.

Dean caught the sound of the younger boy’s tone and sensed something off. Narrowing his brow, he found the question coming out of his mouth before he could think,  

 

“What happened there?” he motioned toward Castiel’s freshly bruised face and Castiel turned red with raw shame. Remembering how Charles had been drinking that morning and Castiel had just got out of his bed when his father came into his bedroom and shut the door…

 

Castiel blinked away the harsh memory and slowly came back to the present moment.

He touched his tender face and shook his head at the older boy standing in front of him. Frowning.

 

“Okay.” Dean said simply when Cas didn’t answer and turned to leave the school until Castiel finally asked,

“Where are you going?”

 

Dean looked back at the younger boy just as the bell rang. The hallway clearing out quickly. Everyone scattering like roaches. The two boys staring at each other for a moment. Feeling the same heaviness in the air their eyes met. Castiel waited for the older boy to respond. But Dean just shook his head and turned to leave.

 

Castiel watching as Dean Winchester stepped out into the rain.  

* * *

 

Castiel kicked off his shoes and climbed into his bed as soon as he made it home from school that day. Trying to sleep he couldn’t help but think of Dean Winchester’s green eyes and sandy brown and thinner build. Castiel breathed staring at the ceiling and began to feel strange.

His heart racing and inner thighs twitching.

Placing a hand on his chest Castiel felt his heart beat. It thumped painfully at the thought of the older boy…that young man. Who was rather attractive and looked too lonely for understanding.

But Castiel could understand. He could understand Dean Winchester very much…

 

_Gabriel._

_Michael._

_Mom._

 

Castiel opened his eyes slowly. It had been so long since he had thought of them. Nowadays it’s just Castiel and Charles in the house. Only a few members at Charles’ church since the incident.

 

Castiel rolled over in his bed hearing the springs squeak as he turned. He thought of his mother, Naomi, and two older brothers. He thought of how his mother left after Gabriel hung himself in the basement and how Michael was arrested for trying to kill their father.

  
Castiel laid still remembering it all. Pushing back the memories and so sick of crying Castiel immediately thought of Dean Winchester again. Feeling his heart race little bit more and scared of himself Castiel ignored his sudden erection.

 

Gathering his pillows and trying to cover himself. Pushing down his stiffness. Trying to remember how it was a sin. That it was wrong to think this way. Castiel was half way there; nearly free from his abrupt desire until the razor sharp thought struck.

Dean Winchester had freckles…beautiful light freckles and long lashes… a deep thick voice and a firm body.

 

Castiel rolled over on top of his pillow beginning to move against it gingerly. Trying not to make too much noise just in case his father came home. He pushed back his sorrowful thoughts and depression all the while praying that it would stay quiet in the house long enough for him to concentrate on his pillow.

Oh…how it was too soft for him to handle and Castiel’s legs and backside shook as he humped and bounced. The soft fabric swallowing his manhood whole Castiel rolled his eyes back and whimpered as he moved.

Trying desperately to not think too explicitly of the young man he barely knew Castiel only focused on the thought of Dean Winchester’s lips and freckles.

But it was enough to send him over board. Pumping wildly until the bed began to shake and stopping only for a moment to push down his pants and underwear. Then—

_“Ah!”_ He moaned deeply when he returned his manhood to the softness of the pillow. His mouth hanging open as pleasure sizzled through his nerves. Grinding harder and moaning low Castiel began to let himself imagine Dean doing things to him. He didn’t want to think this way at first…Castiel wanted to be a ‘good boy’ and tried to keep his thoughts tamed. But suddenly he released all he held back for a sheer moment… Feeling all his fantasies rush through.

Castiel ravished his pillow. Thrusting monstrously, he let go of all his fear and frustration and just began to go…. go and go. Moving savagely until….

 

_“AWW!”_

 

Castiel clutched onto his headboard as he exploded violently. His buttocks clutching and tremoring. His belly convulsing and his limbs turning to jelly. Collapsing he breathed. Feeling the wetness of cum soak the fabric of his pillow and stick to his thighs. Huffing and puffing in relief and relaxation. He felt free to finally be himself for only just a precious moment.  

 

Then Cas heard the front door slam. Charles was returning home from the church.

 

“CASTIEL GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE NOW!!!”

* * *

 

            Dean stole a bottle of beer out of the fridge before going to his room. Bobby didn’t want Dean at the garage anymore and Aunt Ellen was working at the motel up on Vagar’s street near the freeway. So Dean relished in having the house to himself. He drank his beer in slow gulps and headed to his bedroom.

 

Lying down on the little twin size bed that he once shared with Sammy Dean sighed and drank. Trying desperately not to think of Sam or Mary or even his father. Dean let his mind go empty so he could process the day. Lying still,  staring at the ceiling drinking the beer and  listening to the neighbors next door argue.  

 

Dean had began to drift off when the thoughts of dark hair and big blue eyes came rushing into his mind. Then he realized that he never really got the boy’s name. He just knew that the boy was the pastor’s son; A friendly and shy kid.

Without much reason Dean wondered about the bruises on the boy’s face. The swelling on his cheek and the cut on his lip. There was nothing but pain in the younger boy’s eyes when Dean mindlessly asked, _“what happened there?”_  Dean didn’t mean to be invasive or anything. He just couldn’t help but ask.

 

Dean blinked as he continued to think of Pastor Novak’s son. Realizing that the boy had a pleasant face. Mild and sad. His eyes full of so much sorrow and hurt especially after that question. Dean wondered more about the boy and didn’t understand why he cared so much. He just did for whatever reason.

Dean sighed again and turned over on his side intending to fall asleep. Letting the beer bottle hit the floor and roll to the other side of the small room.

His mind went blank again before Dean thought of Pastor Novak’s son again and he desperately tried to remember his name. Taking the blanket and pillow and hugging it around him Dean randomly thought of the boy’s plump body. He was short and pudgy. Not obese but just short and fully figured.

Dean hugged the pillow closer to his own body and wondered how nice it would be to hold someone like that close. Tears coming to his eyes Dean curled into a ball as he slowly began to grind his hips.  


	4. Savage

**Two days later**

     Castiel was slammed against the bathroom wall hard by Asmodeus and his brothers. Punching Castiel in the gut and making him curl over in pain.

"Come on! You guys said you wouldn’t mess with me anymore!" Castiel cried out. Ramiel and Azazel laughed and Asmodeus knelt down in front of Cas.

"Do you think we were just going to let you go free. You didn’t even do the job, fat ass."

Cas whimpered looking at Asmodeus’ intimidating face. He remembered the day in the alleyway. It was crystal clear in his mind.

**.   .   .**

 

Castiel had gotten to his knees with his stomach lurching. His mouth going painfully dry as Asmodeus pulled out his cock. Castiel’s mind going blank as the older boy grabbed him by the head. Tugging at his dark hair and dragging Castiel closer. But Castiel turned his head away and struggled before Asmodeus could do anything to him. Realizing what was happening to him and what he just agreed to do.

 

At the last minute Castiel changed his mind. Realizing that he was worth much more than giving himself up in a cold dirty alleyway. That He much rather be beaten to a pulp everyday by the Prince brothers for the rest of his life instead of going down on anyone of them. 

But Asmodeus' grip was strong and he worked hard trying to get Cas to open his mouth.

"Open your fucking mouth. You stupid fat bitch and take this dick."

 

"No! Castiel screamed and Asmodeus pushed away. “Let me go, you fucking asshole!”

“Oh shit, looks like piggy doesn’t want to eat dick anymore. BOYS!” Asmodeus called for his brothers and Azazel and Ramiel laughed as they came and beat Cas down.

 

Ramiel holding down Cas’ limbs while Azazel forced Castiel’s jaw open. and

“We’ll get you to eat something alright.” Azazel chuckled evilly. “Hey Asmodeus, bust it on his face!”

Asmodeus laughed and stepped forward. Castiel struggled in the Ramiel’s and Azazel’s grip. Fear and anger ripping through his body. The boys laughing while Asmodeus began to jerk his cock over Castiel’s face. Aiming for his mouth.

That’s when the cop car pulled up.

 

“HEY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU BOYS DOING!” Officer Donna Hanscum came running toward the group realizing what was going on near the dumpster.  

 

Ramiel and Azazel let Castiel drop to the ground and ran for it. Asmodeus struggled to get his pants up as his brothers left him behind.

“Hey you idiots wait up!” he forced up his jeans and ran for it before Officer Hanscum could catch him. The three boys turned the corner and headed toward the adjacent alleyway on Locks street. Jumping over gates and toward the old marketplace area where they could separate within a crowd of people.

Donna Hanscum only run to the very of Locks street before realizing that she wouldn’t be able to catch the boys. And ultimately she thought of how the victim was far more important. 

            “Who were they?” Donna asked but Castiel shook his head refusing to tell. Donna furrowed her brows realizing who the boy was. Pastor Novak’s son...

“Don’t tell my dad please. Please…just…. don’t tell him.” Castiel begged suddenly. Donna shook her head and took the boy home. Meaning well She informed Charles Novak what had happened. But as soon as she left the house and drove off in her patrol car Charles Novak ripped off his belt and turned toward Castiel.....

 

**.    .    .**

 

     Now in the boy’s bathroom at school, Asmodeus and his brothers started to viciously kick and punch Castiel as he lied on the bathroom floor crying for help. They tore off his baggy clothes and dumped his supplies out of his bag into the toilets.

“No stop it!” Castiel begged as Azazel unzipped his pants and urinated on Castiel’s bundled up clothes as well as his backpack.

 

Asmodeus lit a cigarette and cocked a brow but it was Ramiel who said,

“Dude, that’s cruel! At least let him have his clothes ‘Zazel.” Ramiel laughed anyway and then stepped forward and punched Castiel until his face was bloody. His face swelling and his mouth filling up with blood.

 

Asmodeus blew the smoke from his lungs and watched. Grinning as his brothers continue to torment the poor Sophomore. Castiel passing out from one last punch.  

 

“Let’s just fuck him.” Azazel said with his pants still unzipped. Ramiel shrugged and Asmodeus nodded,

“Go for it then. Anit nobody coming in here.” Which was true school was over with for the day and the security guards were busy with making sure their weren’t any fight going on the outside of campus. The school was practically deserted.

 

  Ramiel slapped Castiel awake “Hey chubbo, we want you up for this!” than pinned Cas down to the floor by his wrist. Azazel kicked Castiel’s legs open and climb on top of him. Castiel opened his eyes slowly and started to barely care anymore. Nothing was going to change for him and this is what he was use to so he decided not to fight. 

The bathroom door opened suddenly and Dean stepped in.

 

“Dean Winchester!” Asmodeus spoke through the smoke coming out of his mouth. Dean came closer to Asmodeus and took his cigarette when it was offered.  

“What the fuck is going in here?” Dean asked. He only knew Asmodeus and his brothers from one night in a bar when they watched Dean take on two truckers in a fight. Dean emerging victorious with blood on his face.

 

“Nothing, the boys are just having some fun with that.” Asmodeus pointed as Castiel squirmed underneath Ramiel and Azazel, crying. And Castiel was too lost in himself to hear Dean Winchester’s voice as he spoke with Asmodeus. He just let himself shut down. Waiting for it to be over.

 

Dean looked over at the boy and realized it was _him_ and further realized what Azazel and Ramiel were doing to the plump boy. Dean remained stoic and stared with harsh eyes, smoking the cigarette. Azazel hadn’t started yet…he was too busy with jerking his own cock awake. Dean saw it and allowed his eyes to squint in anger.

 

“You want in on that Winchester?” Asmodeus chuckled nodding toward the corner Castiel was in and reaching for the cigarette. But Dean took another drag.

 

Then blew the smoke in Asmodeus’ face. Animosity filling the air and before Asmodeus Prince could react Dean took his face into one hand and smashed the back of his head into the bathroom mirror in a savage thrust. Asmodeus hit the floor screaming in pain. Blood pouring out his wound scalp heavily. And Before Ramiel and Azazel could get up and defend their brother Dean ran up and kicked Ramiel under his jaw brutally. Feeling something crack from the kick.

 

Dean dragged Azazel off of Castiel. Pulling the would be rapist across the floor into a bathroom stall. Smashing his face into the filthy toilet bowl. Holding him there. Feeling him struggle, kick and thrash… until his body went still. Dean finally pulled Azazel’s head out of the toilet and watched him vomit up the dirty water. Gasping and crawling at the floor throat for air.

 

Dean stepped out the stall and immediately helped Castiel get up off the floor. Not saying anything, nothing but the sound of the Prince brother’s screams and groans filling the air, Dean took off his oversized jacket and placed it around Castiel’s trembling shoulders. Castiel looked up at Dean Winchester…. mindless, scared and shivering. Dean looked at the boy and slowly took his hand. Finally saying, “Come with me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just another small chapter for today as I continue to marathon write this fic.


	5. Profound Bond.

_“I never really got your name.” Dean Winchester said to Castiel Novak as they walked quickly together. Cutting through the back field of the school so no one would see Castiel’s beaten body._

_“Cas.” Castiel replied to Dean. “…my name is Castiel.”_

* * *

 

       Castiel sat on the bed in Dean Winchester’s bedroom as Dean rummaged for fresh clothes in Uncle Bobby’s bedroom. Holding Dean’s jacket close to his body Castiel smelled the hot smell of alcohol. His eyes roamed the room. It was plain and undecorated excepted for a few worn posters and some dirty clothes in the corner. Castiel didn’t care he just needed something to focus on as he sat alone for a moment.

Dean came back into the bedroom with a pair of old sweat pants and a large white tee shirt.

“These should fit.” He handed the clothes to Castiel.    

“Thank you.” Cas said in a whimper. Dean nodded and turned away as Castiel put on the shirt and sweat pants. It felt inappropriate as for what had happened that day…Castiel had nearly been raped and Dean wanted to make sure that the younger boy was comfortable and okay. At least just a little bit. Though for some reason Dean couldn’t help but to look every spilt second or so…

 

Castiel’s thick body was covered in deep red bruises. Welts and harsh scars all around his sides and arms. Blemishes on his stomach and tiny cuts marks around his thighs.

 

“Did they do that?” Dean asked. Castiel nodded somberly and finished dressing himself. Trying not to cry in front of the older boy Castiel wiped his eyes and took a deep breath and stood. Preparing to go home and face his father until Dean stopped him.

 

“We should go to police. Sheriff Mills and Officer Hanscum are good people and—“ Dean said but Castiel shook his head immediately.

            “My dad doesn’t really care about me. He’d kill me if he ever found out that I let this sort of thing happen again.”

 

Dean was perplexed by the boy’s words. “Again?” Dean couldn’t help but asked. “This has happened before?”

 

Castiel nodded slightly than said, “I’m supposed to be home near three everyday…”

The clock on Dean’s little dresser turned to five o clock.

Castiel frowned knowing what was waiting for him.

That’s when the tears came down. 

Neither one of the boys expected it to so fast.  
It just happened as Dean stepped forward without thinking and took Castiel Novak into his arms.  
Holding him firmly. 

            Dean had been aching…fighting the ache to hold Castiel since they made it into the house. Not knowing how Cas would receive the embrace Dean held back until he couldn’t any longer. Feeling Cas shake as he held him tighter. Feeling his soft body against his own.

Dean groaned in the feel of it and Castiel whimpered as he pulled his arms free only for a second…only to hold Dean back.

            Castiel didn’t want anything more than to be held. And Dean’s arms were so tight around him that Cas began to weep out. Trembling and wanting for so much more. Not sex…nothing like that at all. But love…or something that felt like love. Something to get his mind off of what has happened to him…

Castiel broke free again as he needed to cry out his pain. He couldn’t believe it all but it was happening and Dean cupped Cas’ soft face in his palms…. wiping away Castiel’s tears with calloused thumbs.

“Dean?” Castiel looked up just as Dean suddenly asked in a timid whisper,

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

The room went far more silent then it ever had been as Castiel and Dean stood together. Their eyes meeting and studying each other. Reading through all the sorrow, pain and confusion. Castiel’s very slight nod led to the sudden warmth melting their insides as their lips met slowly. Their hands growing numb as they held onto each other. The kiss was a silent agreement between them. A profound bond of protection and safety. Dean kissed Castiel passionately as a promise to protect him and Castiel felt safer than he ever had before in Dean Winchester’s arms that day.

 

* * *

 

It took days but with Dean’s guidance Castiel finally opened up to the police about what happened in the bathroom and also in the alleyway. The investigation went quickly as Donna Hanscum provided a firm witness account for what happened before and Dean was questioned heavily on his actions when he saw what the Princes did. Dean told the complete truth and Castiel was there to back him up.

The day finally came when The police rushed into the classroom just as the Prince brothers were laughing with their friends. Joking about the new couple at the school; Dean and Cas. Asmodeus was the first one to be dragged and slammed down to the floor than handcuffed. Then there was Azazel. Then Ramiel. The boys were arrested and sent away for assault and battery as well as attempted rape in front of the entire school.

Rumor's spread like wildfire...but Castiel didn't care he just smiled gratefully at Dean when he heard the news.


	6. I care. I care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Update: I added a few critical corrections to this chapter.**  
>  I just thought it was about time for something happy <3  
> hope you guys enjoy.

**A few weeks later on a Saturday afternoon.**

**.  .   .**

 “What do you want to do today, Cas?” Dean asked as they sat at the local diner eating burgers and drinking milkshakes. The day was oddly sunny yet cold…typical Belleview weather. People rushed and moved throughout the marketplace. Shopping for the upcoming holiday season. Christmas break was coming soon and both Dean and Cas were looking forward to the time away from school.

 Castiel rested his face into his palm and looked out the window. Dean reached over and took a sip of Cas’ strawberry-vanilla milkshake. Castiel turned in time to catch him.

“Heyy! You have your own!” Castiel laughed. Dean grinned and showed that his was nearly gone.

“I’m still thirsty.” He said with a puppy dog pout and continued to drink Cas’ shake.

Castiel was actually happy that Dean took it. He had barely eaten his burger and fries as he still felt uncomfortable to eat around Dean.

“I want to just chill out today.” Castiel finally answered Dean’s question. “Maybe listen to some music at that old record store down the street.”

“Planet Records over on Miles or Muse Kings on Daisy?” Dean quizzed immediately.

“Muse Kings.” Castiel answered without a second thought.

“Good taste!” Dean said slapping a five with Cas.

 

            There was dispute between both record stores in Belleview. Planet Records was stylish and band new but Muse Kings was legendary and had variety in both the old and new. It was the best place to be when looking for classic turntables and the best music. While Planet Records had all the pop songs and rooms for parties the items sold there was overly expensive. Plus, the place crawled with annoying pre-teens who weren’t there to appreciate music but only to look cool and taking selfies to post on their social media accounts. Dean and Castiel paid for their lunch and headed over to the record store. There Dean’s eyes grew wide as he pointed out the vinyl records for AC/DC, Led Zeppelin and Kansas.

“All these guys…GODS. Rock gods!” Dean said with excitement and joy. He set up a 'test me' AC/DC record on the turntable display.   _“Back in Black”_   started to play and Dean turned to Cas nodding his head to the beat.

Watching Dean enjoy the music Castiel blushed and looked around. Realizing that he and Dean may have liked the same record store but their general taste in music was completely different. Castiel typically liked all kinds of music and didn’t mind Rock at all. He loved a numerous amount of bands and artist. Though today his mood for music was for more Trap-Soul, R & B and deep Hip Hop.

When Castiel confessed this Dean’s brows shot up to his hair line.

“Only the sort- of -soft rap songs… R&B really. Like SZA and Travis Scott’s  _Love Galore_.” Castiel defended immediately but it only made Dean laugh.

 “Ha-ha! And here I was thinking that you were about say that you only listen to church music. But really Cas, who is your favorite artist?” Dean put down a vinyl pack and studied Castiel’s blushing face.

“Well right now I like really like Kendrick Lamar and his song with that singer Rihanna.” Castiel answered honestly. Wringing his hands together nervously hoping Dean wouldn’t judge him.

“ _Loyalty_.” Dean said realizing he had just heard on the radio the other day.

“Yeah!” Castiel exclaimed suddenly. Shocked that Dean knew the song. “There’s even this one part of the music video for it that interlaces with this other song called, ‘ _Pride_ ’ it’s so smooth soft and meaningful. It’s beautiful to me.”

“Oh really…” Dean smirked widely seeing the brightness glimmer inside of Castiel’s big blue eyes. Cas walked over to the Hip-Hop/R&B shelf that wasn’t too far away and returned with the sample vinyl package of Kendrick Lamar’s DAMN. album in his hand.

“The whole album is raw as hell and he isn’t one of those gibberish rappers. His lyrics have a strong message to it and its just deep. The man’s has Soul, I swear!” Castiel quickly pulled out the ‘test me’ record carefully and set it up on the displayed turntable.

“Cas?” Dean said as Castiel slowly placed a large pair of headphones over Dean’s ears.

Castiel placed the clip, pressed play and adjusted the volume. Dean’s eyes winced as the song began to play.

_“Love’s going to get you killed…._

_But pride’s going to be the death of you and you and me,_

_you and you and me….”_

Dean listened to the repetition. Feeling awkward at first…not understanding why Castiel made him listen to a random song that constantly repeated itself…. It was kind of annoying to begin with and Dean didn’t want to say anything. Hell, he even thought that the record was broken for a moment. But as the song continued the slow beat started...  And a soft vocalizing begun.

 

 

“ _Me, I wasn't taught to share, but care_

_In another life, I surely was there_

_Me, I wasn't taught to share,_

_but care I care, I care…”_

 

Dean slowly closed his eyes and felt the lyrics as Kendrick Lamar began to rap. His voice a low mellow, steady and deep. As the lyrics wrapped together and rhythmed continuously. It all suddenly became rather… hypnotizing for Dean.

Something in his gut made him breathe heavily as he allowed the song and slow melody to go through him and make him feel loose inside. Losing himself in it. Becoming fearful of it somehow. Fearful of being so lost in it that he wouldn’t come back to the surface of being. Being alive at this moment with Castiel. His brow furrowing as he concentrated on the voices of Kendrick Lamar and Anna Wise singing:

_“Maybe I wasn’t there_

_Maybe I wasn't there_

_Maybe I wasn't there….”_

Dean felt his heart flutter at the feel of the beat and yes he was lost indeed. _Gone._ He wasn’t coming back to the surface…. No. the song ever so suddenly ensnared Dean and he was certainly gone. The world swaying away. Castiel standing close before him. Electricity in his presence.

Castiel smiled and grabbed a pair of headphones for himself than plugged them up into the amplifier so he could listen as well. The soft beat and vocalizing taking him completely. Taking him above from the surface so he could be with Dean. Grabbing Dean’s hands, Cas allowed himself to get so lost in the music as well.

The record store seemed to fade away and the lyrics began to blur together as Castiel placed his head on Dean’s chest. just breathing. The music continuing…Their hearts fluttering together. 

Dean placed a hand on the top of Castiel’s hair. Holding him and not caring if anyone was looking. And people were looking.

The song changed over to something more heavy and Dean finally opened his eyes slowly looking down at Cas. Taking off Castiel’s headphones before his own.  
The older man behind the register stared at them in detest. Dean looked back in defense but decided to not say anything to him.

“Let’s get lost.” Dean said to Castiel. Cas nodded immediate feeling the other’s gaze. 

* * *

 

In Dean’s bedroom the two laid together…listening to the music player on Cas’ cell phone and just talking. It was quiet in the house. Uncle Bobby was fast asleep in his armchair with the TV on and Aunt Ellen still out shopping at the marketplace.

“You boys stay out of trouble.” She had said when she ran into Dean and Cas earlier in the day.  
Then gave them cash so they could eat lunch at the diner.

 .  .  . 

Now with it being later in the afternoon, Dean hugged Castiel close in his bed. Whispering secrets to him and kissing his shoulders, making him blush. Castiel held onto Dean as the kisses continued. Ranging from his quivering lips, neck, shoulders, chest and down his stomach.

“Dean…” Castiel breathed out while slowly opening his legs. Allowing Dean to unzip his jeans. Dean didn’t think about what he was doing... He just moved while pulling down Cas’ pants and kissing Castiel all over.

“hmm.” Castiel squeezed his eyes shut and shook as Dean tongued the fading scars. Caressing marks and blemishes with his lips while whispering,  _“Castiel.”_ Softly. Cas felt the goosebumps ripple through his body when Dean said his name and kissed his inner thighs.

“Dean.” Cas repeated and Dean looked up at him from below.

“Do you want me to…” Dean began to ask when he went for Castiel’s boxers. Cas nodded and ached as Dean tugged at his underwear slowly. Mindlessly lifting his hips and feeling the cool air of the room surround his hardened groin.

 

Before there were any other words to be said between them Dean began to suck slow. Careful and steady. Feeling Castiel’s breathing hitch and hands rub through his sandy brown hair. His full thighs shivering and little quiet moans escaping his throat.

Taking Cas’ hands Dean continued to suck…only stopping to pull off slowly to kiss Castiel's thighs again.

Castiel shook hard and let out a small cry.

“It’s okay…I got you.” Dean whispered quickly and took Castiel back into his mouth.

 Castiel squirmed and licked his lips. Narrowing his brows, feeling his chest heave and his heart pound. Trying not to be too loud Castiel moaned into his hands. Mumbling,  _“Dean,”_ over and over as tears poured out his eyes and rolled down the sides of his face.

 

The soft song playing tenderly in the background.

 

 


	7. Free

  **Later that Saturday evening....**

* * *

 

         

        “Where the fuck you been, boy?”  Charles said as he sat in the living room. Turning around in his armchair just as Castiel came into the house. 

“Nowhere…Just hanging out.” Castiel said casually hoping that his father wouldn’t get up. Hoping that his father wouldn’t come toward him and hit him for coming home late.  But Castiel rarely ever got what he wanted when it came down to his father.

The bottle of whiskey was nearly empty on the coffee table.

Cas saw it and watched as his father got up out of his chair….

.   .    .

_“Aww Dean!” Castiel had cried out breathlessly as he came. His body twitching and shaking. More tears blinding his eyes as Dean swallowed._

_.   .    ._

Charles slapped his son and forced him to the floor. Shouting and cursing at Castiel, ripping off his t-shirt.

.   .    .

_Dean kissed Castiel lovingly... groaning his name as they moved in the bed, making the springs screeched quietly. Their bodies meeting and collapsing into each other as they touched._

_.   .    ._

Castiel attempted to get up and run away from his father. Tired of being beaten and hurt by him the boy headed for the front door. He had to get out of the house…but Charles caught his son by the back of his head and dragged him back down to the living room floor.

_.   .    ._

_The music played softly and the glow of Cas’ cell phone illuminated the dark bedroom.  
_ _Castiel gasped and saw nothing but stars as Dean inserted a warm finger inside him._

__.   .    ._ _

 

Charles pressed all his weight on top of his son.  
Knowing that Castiel will give up eventually and give into him.

  _.   .    ._

_“D-dean!” Castiel whimpered as Dean began to thrust his hand. Forcing his fingers in and out rapidly and gripping Cas’ writhing hips tightly. Loving how Cas felt._

  _.   .    ._

“Stupid Fat worthless piece of shit!” Charles shouted and tore off the rest of Castiel’s clothes.

“Dad! Don’t! Please!” Cas cried. “Dad! DAD! STOP IT!”

  _.   .    ._

_Castiel was lost in Dean’s arms and he struggled to breathe as pleasure overwhelmed him. As Dean continuously kissed and stroked him._

  _.   .    ._

Charles whipped Castiel with the buckle end of his belt.

Lashing at the young boy’s skin until it was raw and bleeding.

  _.   .    ._

 _“Cas.” Dean pulled out slow as Castiel sobbed._  
_Believing he had done something wrong._  
_But Castiel shook his head quickly and kissed Dean hard, opening his legs wider._

* * *

Castiel screamed and thrashed against the floor as the metal buckle ripped at his skin.

He thought of Dean and how he had kissed his scars.

How Dean made love to him in his bedroom.

The soft music playing.

 

"DEAN-N!!!!" Castiel bellowed as his father began to whip him more monstrously.

“So that’s where you been, huh! Hanging out with that fucking sissy!” Charles shouted and lashed at the poor boy again and again.

 

Charles Novak heard many things about the boy, Dean Winchester. The rumors ran through the entire town of Belleview after young Sammy Winchester’s funeral. Especially after Dean went missing. People constantly whispered about the boy who had been going to the bars, drinking heavily and starting fights. Pastor Charles Novak heard everything about Dean indeed…especially the prostitution with the truckers on the outskirts of town.

 

“What have you been letting that filthy sinner do to you, huh?” Charles stood over his son and forced him over onto his bleeding stomach.

“D-dad!” Cas cried curling into a ball, trying to get up. But his father stomped on his back making him lay flat against the floor.

 

“You been having sex with that boy haven’t you, Cas?” Charles got down to the floor and grabbed Castiel by the hips. Pulling them upward.

 

“No! No!” Castiel lied immediately; whimpering and knowing exactly what his father was about to do to him. “I haven’t… Daddy please! I haven’t! I’m not gay! I don’t like boys I promise! I promise!!!”

Charles ignored his son and forced Castiel’s boxers down to the back of his knees.

            The room went still and silent for Cas as he felt his father’s hands on his backside. His heart dropping as his father opened him up. Checking Castiel’s rectum for evidence of semen.  

There wasn’t any…. because Dean never penetrated Castiel in that way.

Charles let Castiel go swiftly and got up off of the floor.  
Simply walking away without saying anything.  
The older man grabbed his whiskey bottle and finished it off as he went into his bedroom.

Numb and shaking with shock, Castiel laid still on the floor for a moment.  
He had thought that it was finally over when the Prince brothers went to jail…  
He thought he was finally free.... and it had been so long since the last time Charles checked him that Castiel thought his father had finally stopped doing it.

Castiel sniffled heavily picking up his clothes and putting them on slowly. Tears burning his eyes and blurring his vision Castiel thought of how much he missed his big brother, Gabriel….and ultimately remembering the reasons why Gabriel killed himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This short chapter was inspired by scenes in the films, _" Introducing Dorothy Dandridge"_ and _"The Reader"_  
>  DISCLAIMER: I have been influenced by both films for only artistic purposes and I am no way taking credit away from the writers. All respectful credit is provided above.


	8. Take Me To Church.

**Sunday morning.**

* * *

 

Castiel sat in church nervously as his father preached on the fruits of the spirit, vices, fornication and lastly homosexuality.

“IT IS AN ABOMINATION!!!!” Pastor Novak shouted at the top of his lungs in anger and the very few church members clapped their hands and shouted back, “AMEN!”

            “It doesn’t make sense for two men to be together in that fashion, nor two women! They cannot procreate and it’s against God’s will! It is an indecent, destructive, foul sin that with destroy the righteous structure our society is built upon…. Open your bibles and turn to Leviticus 18:22.”

 

Trying to be sinless and righteous like everyone else Castiel anxiously opened his tiny bible and began to read the scripture along with the rest of the congregation. Knowing that his father was looking at him. Making sure that he was following along. Castiel knew what his father expected of him. And anxiety ravaged through every cell in his plump body as he read the scripture aloud:

_“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind. It is an abomination.”_

 

Pastor Novak expected his son to shout and praise God like a good Christian boy should every Sunday. He expected Castiel to cry at the altar and be prayed over. To allow the prayers to heal him and rid him of his homosexuality. And young Castiel did exactly what his father wanted of him.

During the altar call Castiel stood and cried loudly. Weeping and falling to the floor as Pastor Novak prayed over him.

The church elders laid their hands on Castiel as they prayed as well. Pouring blessed oil on his forehead and covering Castiel in the white blanket of grace.

 

Cas sobbed hard and convulsed. Feverishly calling out to God and asking for forgiveness.

 Truthfully.

 

Castiel felt a sudden conviction in his heart as he laid on the altar floor. It was heavy…harsh and unyielding. It stayed on him and took away his ability to breathe, see or think. Castiel felt as if he would die if he didn’t scream loud enough. If he didn’t pray hard enough. If he hadn’t confessed his sins aloud in front of the entire church. His voice echoing against the walls…vibrating all the way to the roof.

 

The words poured out nonstop.

Everything from what happened between him and Balthazar in freshman year...the loneliness…the attempted rapes…the masturbation and how Dean made love to him in the bedroom with secular music playing low.

People shook their heads and listened. Their gossip confirmed true. The saints of Belleview Cathedral now knew everything about Castiel Novak. They knew of his sins, his fears, his love and his yearning. And really they didn’t care. They all just wanted to get Sunday service over with.

* * *

“Hey Cas! what’s up I didn’t hear from you at all yesterday.” Dean walked up to Castiel on Monday morning with a big smile on his face. Happy to see Cas Dean had planned to walk up to him and kiss him on the cheek. But his smile dropped quickly when he noticed the new scars, swollen welts and bandages.

 

Castiel didn’t look up at Dean.

He just gathered his books for class, thoughtlessly.

Closing his locker and walking away with his books held close to his chest. Head hanging low.

 

“Cas!” Dean rushed up and stopped Castiel. Grabbing him by the arm and accidently making his books fall to the floor.

Cas knelt down to pick them, remaining silent.

Dean knelt beside him attempting to help. “Castiel, what happened?” he asked gently reaching out for Castiel’s wrist.

 

Castiel backed away from Dean’s reach. Looking to the floor and frowning deeply.

Dean stepped closer, “Was it your dad?” he asked in a whisper.

Castiel looked up at the older boy with puffy bloodshot eyes. He had been crying since that Saturday night…

 

“Castiel.” Dean wanted nothing more than to comfort Cas but as he got closer to him Castiel backed away again.  

“Don’t…” Cas mumbled, shook his head and walked away. Leaving Dean perplexed in the hallway as the bell rang.... 

 

* * *

 

_Castiel…. what happened, baby?_

                                                -Dean

 

Cas lied under the covers of his bed watching the text message appear on his phone one after another. Castiel scrolled through reading and deleting them one by one.

 

And something in Dean’s heart knew that Castiel was avoiding his texts. So he continued to send them constantly. Drinking another beer as he sat on his bedroom floor. Rubbing the sheets on the bed…remembering Cas’ moans.

Worry and fear ripping through him. Dean was upset with himself for not making Castiel stay the night on Saturday. When they had finished Castiel rushed out knowing he was in trouble.

 

The clock had read eight o clock and Castiel had struggled to get his pants up.

 

“Oh no! Oh my God! Dad is going to be pissed!”

 

“Castiel, I don’t get it why is he so hard on you. It’s not like you’re me,” Dean forced a laugh but it was true. He could see it. Castiel was a good boy. Sweet as can be and he deserved so much more.

“Dean…” Castiel realized what Dean meant. The older boy came over to him and kissed Cas’ forehead.

“You don’t understand.” Castiel mumbled low.

“But do you? Cas…you said he beats you.” Dean whispered. Castiel nodded remembering the many things he shared with Dean through tears and sobs. That not all the bruises, and scars were from the Prince brother’s bullying.

 

“Stay here with me…you know Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen won’t mind.” Dean continued to speak softly. Taking Castiel’s wrist in his hands and pressing his lips to the younger boy’s cheek.

     

Castiel shook his head and wished he had the courage to stay out all night. But out of fear he gulped and forced himself to go home. to face the consequences not knowing how severe they would become.

But still Castiel had smiled that night when Dean said, “Let me walk you home.”

.    .    .  

            Now he lied still in his small bed. Deleting Dean’s messages and repeating the bible scriptures in his head. Trying to stay sane. Trying to stay pure…Trying not to think about his father’s heavy hands spreading open his backside and forcing his fingers through…

 

Trying desperately to not think of Gabriel and what Charles did to him… But Castiel remembered it. Without warning the memory resurfaced brutally in his mind and he closed his eyes as his heart rapped against his breastplate.

 

He had been there in the bedroom with them. As Charles whipped Gabriel and checked him just the same.

“CASSIE! CASSIE!” Gabriel bellowed kicking and screaming while his father ripped at his pants and underwear. “CASTIEL DON’T LOOK! GET OUT! GET OUT!”

Charles Novak punched his second son viciously then shouted at Cas,

“YOU FUCKING STAY RIGHT THERE, YOU’RE NEXT, BOY!”

 

Castiel was frozen with fear and trauma. Shaking. Not knowing what to do. But Gabriel saw his chance and reached around and punched his father.

“DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING TOUCH HIM!!! CASTIEL’S ONLY ELEVEN!”

Charles received the strike and saw nothing butred…Gabriel screamed and thrashed as Charles forced his way on top of him. The bed springs squeaking from the weight.

Charles spat heavily into his hand and began to do something that made both of his sons scream,  

“YOU WANT TO BE A SISSY THEN YOU’RE GONNA BE TREATED LIKE ONE!” Charles roared before violently shoving his manhood inside of Gabriel.

 

The moments went passed slowly.

As the room was filled with Gabriel’s cries.

 

Charles pulled out before ejaculating. Releasing himself on his son’s back he grunted while climbing off of Gabriel’s limp body,

“Get over here, Castiel. Now!”

Castiel, crying and scared, did as he was told.

Getting on the bed and lying next to his catatonic big brother. Days later Castiel found Gabriel in the basement hanging by the extension cords. 

* * *

 

 “Gabriel.” Castiel cried now opening his eyes slowly and remembering. Listening to the constant vibration of his cell phone as Dean continued to send messages.   


	9. Promise.

The unanswered messages eventually stopped coming.

Heartbreak, worry and confusion melted into each other as the two boys grew apart.

Pain

Pain

Pain.

And more pain.

Lost kisses and stolen joy.

Feverish dead passion and swollen hurt.

A wealth of an abusive father’s fury and sibling death.

 

Unhealed. Suffered and unhealed.

Suffocating.

The cold atmosphere of Belleview was suffocating. Mind numbing and uncaring.

 

Dean missed Castiel dearly but something in his heart warned him to just stop. That it was no use in reaching out to the younger boy. That there was no use in trying to save him. But Dean knew it too well…how it felt to have a father hurt you. Mistreat you. Betray you. Hate you. It was an all too painful memory for Dean. And he felt his heart ache deep down as he imagined what could have happened to Cas to have made him stop wanting to talk.

Dean blinked away a single tear and sat up contemplating whether to send another message or to just actually call.

 But no.

 he was sick of that. And he was sick of just sitting in his room, tired of so much pain and being avoided.

 

Sick of abusive fathers and watching the people he loved suffer. So Dean got up and left his Uncle’s house. Walking down the street,  Dean kept his second thoughts at bay. He didn’t care. Not anymore.

 

 

There was something inside Dean Winchester that he could never confess to anyone; Not even Cas. It was a solid emptiness that couldn’t be healed. Something that had been there since Mary and Sammy died…. Since Dean had tried to kill himself.

 

And it only grew deeper as the moments passed without hearing from Castiel. The worry, anxiety and selfish anger boiling into the empty pit of his being. Sinking deep into dark depths. Dean had forgotten about it for a while … the emptiness…as he and Cas had gotten to know each other. As he kissed Cas’ pale face and held his hand at school. As they hung out after classes, talking and listening to music. ~~~~

It was the promise of protection that had distracted Dean from it. Protecting Castiel and being his friend had become first priority and Dean was there for him any time of any day. Willing to fight anyone at school who insulted Cas or had anything to do with his bullying. He even fought Asmodeus’ sister, Dagon, for calling Castiel out of his name…

 

“You knew you wanted it! You fucking fat ass faggot!” Dagon had shouted remorselessly in the cafeteria after her brothers were arrested. She and her friends threw food and trays at both Cas and Dean. Thinking since that they were girls that the two boys wouldn’t do anything about it…But Dagon was wrong and shock stabbed at her body as Dean Winchester slammed her down to the floor, hard.

No one else bothered to bully Cas with Dean around and Dean appreciated the distraction of their bond. Yearning for it whenever he saw Castiel’s beautiful face. Cas was the cure little did Dean understand at the time. Castiel kept Dean sane…alive.…And Dean just let the days with Castiel pass through. Clinging to him, kissing his palms and caressing his wrist. Touching him and feeling him. Ignoring the sore emptiness. Ignoring the possibility that Castiel wouldn’t want him anymore.  

 

Though it was still a festering wound….and Dean tried his best to ignore the wound as he walked through the deserted wet streets. Sick of Belleview. Sick of the rain, cloudy skies and cold weather.

The want hit him like a ferocious thud and Dean stopped walking as the realization smacked into his bones.

 

For the second time in his life, Dean Winchester wanted to die. The boy looked up at the grey sky too weak to fight the dark thoughts swimming in his head. The rain began to fall as he stood still in it…. Not recognizing the fact that he was in front of Castiel’s house.

 

* * *

 

            Castiel forced his fingers down into his throat and heaved into the toilet. He hadn’t been eating properly again in hopes to hurt himself. Cutting into his skin with the kitchen knife was too painful…it reminded him too much of his father’s belt buckle. A thought that kept recurring in his mind. Leading to the forced act of what Charles did to him. Crying and even slapping his own face Castiel punished himself for being what he was.

Fat.

Unlovable.

Worthless.

A faggot.

A cocksucker.

A sissy who deserved to be violated.  

And ultimately a sinner who deserved to burn in hell.

 

Castiel couldn’t stop thinking about his brother. He cried and wondered if Gabriel was in hell for how he died. Castiel wondered if he would go to hell for what he was about to do…

“Someone help me please.” Castiel prayed to no one. Finally Picking up the knife he held it to his wrist.

Pausing….

He still too afraid to cut into his skin.

 

Castiel breathed thinking of how Dean kissed him for the first time. Thinking of how good it felt. How safe he felt. Healed…Loved… He felt loved. But that love was sinful, detestable and deep down Castiel never felt forgiven for his sins even after he cried his heart out at the altar. The anxiety of guilt still ate at him from the inside. He still felt like an abomination.

 

The doorbell rang just as Castiel slit opened his veins. 

* * *

_“Promise me you’ll just be happy...” Sammy once whispered quietly to Dean. The young boy had gotten so sick that he could barely speak aloud. So the nights came when Sam laid awake in pain and searching for solace from his brother.  His thin body covered in deep red rashes and his hair which was once long and thick was now thin and brittle. Small bald spots forming around his scalp. Sammy knew he was going to die. He knew that his time was coming up. So he forced himself to speak through the sharp pain in his chest._

_“Promise me Dean, you’ll find someone that you like…love… and just live. Ok?”_

_“I will Sammy…. I will” Dean had whispered back…not intending it to be a lie._

_But it was. Dean couldn’t think straight as Sam’s days got shorter. As he labored for his breaths and could barely make it to the bathroom. Dean did what he could for him along with Bobby and Ellen. When Sammy died they all agreed that it was just time for him to go. To be free… But for Dean….it was just so hard once Sammy was gone_ …

_Once Dean found his way to Belleview Bridge._

_His body hit the ice cold water hard. Rip roaring through his skin, filling his ears, his mouth and nose.  The current engulfed him entirely and thrashed him around. His lungs screaming for air and his stomach lurching in fear._

_“Promise me Dean.” Sammy’s words come to his mind as he began to die. “…. just live.”_

_At the last minute Dean had begun to fight for his life._

_At the very last second Dean decided he wanted to live._

_So he kicked and pushed through the water. Swimming against river’s current. Fear ripping through his mind and heart._

_‘Sammy!’ Dean’s heart cried when he could no longer move his limbs against the strength of the current. ‘Oh God, Sammy I’m so sorry!’_

_Dean lost himself in the depths of the stream and it had been a miracle of God’s grace that he survived. His body carrying out quickly from the deepest parts of the river into shallow areas. Drifting onto the rocky shores of the river…._

* * *

 

Dean remembered and fought against the dark thoughts in his head as the rain poured.  
Remembering his promise to Sammy and ignoring his festering wound Dean looked at Castiel's tiny yellow house and walked over to go ring the doorbell.

There wasn’t an answer for a long time and the rain began to pour down harder. Turning to leave now Dean stopped and thought for a moment... than he walked back to front door and knocked on it.

'Answer, please answer.' Dean thought but still there wasn't one. Dean huffed out the cold air in his lungs and after a long moment he finally thought to check the door knob.

By a miracle it was unlocked and Dean gingerly pushed the heavy door open. Nervously, Listening to the alarm system beep its warning in which after another moment the system started to go off.

 

“Cas!” Dean called out. He began to look throughout the house for Castiel….half way planning to leave and kicking himself for even walking in. He didn’t know if Castiel was even home. He felt so stupid. But Dean moved further into the house when he heard it. A harsh thud coming from the end of the hallway. Panic quickened inside Dean from the sound and he began to rush down the narrow space. Following where the sound had come from.

 “CASTIEL!” Dean shouted in fear when he found Cas in the bathroom. Covered in blood on the floor.

Dean moved quickly. Not caring about the house alarm going off, Dean ripped the towels off the rack and wrapped it around Castiel’s bleeding wrist with as much pressure as possible. Desperately trying to save his friend. his beloved....

 

“Baby, baby no!” Dean cried and held Castiel’s heavy limp body. squeezing onto Cas’ slit wrist. “Don’t do this to me! Cas! Castiel! No! Cas…. CAS!”

 Castiel was unresponsive and his body was limp.

Dean’s heart raced as the alarm blared in the background numbing his ears.

 

Neighbors looked out their window to see what was going on as the police arrived. Storming into the Novak's home with guns drawn. They searched the house and soon found the two teenage boys on the bathroom floor. And In all the confusion an officer grabbed Dean off of Castiel intending to arrest him. 

 

 “No! No! You don’t understand, I’m his boyfriend!” Dean shouted and struggled. “Please! Save him! Save my baby!” The cop forced Dean up and looked at the other boy's body. 

 

“The kid is gone!” The officer said coldly and Dean froze in shock as the man dragged him out of the bathroom.

 

‘No, no. This is supposed to be me.’ The dark thought crept back into Dean’s mind. ‘I’m the one who was supposed to die….no...not you Cas. Not you.’ And everything seemed to move in slow motion as Dean was taken away. Pushed out of the house and questioned. Dean shouted, begged. Kicked and screamed until the male officers slammed him down on the concrete outside.

Officer Victor Henriksen passed the commotion and walked into the house. Going into the bathroom and seeing the boy on the floor. The man knelt beside Castiel Novak’s body and dug his fingertips deep into the fifteen-year old boy’s neck. 

The pulse was slight.  
But it was there.


	10. I Love You.

Charles Novak ignored the incoming call on his cell phone as he sat in the driver seat of his black sedan. His pants down to his knees and a young dark haired prostitute bobbing their head expertly in his lap. The older man groaned and cursed in pleasure as he felt his manhood swell harder into the person’s mouth. Rolling his eyes back and thrusting his hips forward Charles lost himself in an undeserved ecstasy while on the other side of Belleview his youngest son was rushed to the emergency room.

.   .    .

Castiel opened his eyes slowly and saw nothing but bright light. His body was cold and feverish at the same time and wrist throbbed an aching pain. The ambulance raced through traffic hitting potholes and curbs and Dean had convinced the Officer Victor Henriksen to un-cuff him so that he could ride in the ambulance beside Castiel.

 “D-d-dean?” Castiel groaned in pain, looking around not knowing that his face and body covered in blood.

“I’m here Cas…I’m here.” Dean said as the ambulance hit another speed bump and finally pulled into the emergency section of the hospital.

.   .   . 

Charles threw the cash at the young whore and drove off. Still ignoring his cell phone, he let the hours pass before he finally checked his voicemail and got the news about his son. Boiling fury built up inside him with a great tension. Walking into the emergency room entrance Charles stomped through the halls. Yelling at every nurse and doctor he could find. Demanding to see Castiel.  

.  .  .

Dean sat beside Castiel in the hospital room after convincing the nurses to let him in. The room was chilly and Dean did what he could to make Castiel feel as  safe and comfortable as possible. He asked for extra blankets, cups of tea and even two extra meal trays for dinner.

Knowing of Castiel’s forced bulimia and wanted to do in all his power to help him. He didn’t even have to be told about it because Dean could see it in Cas’ face as he would lose weight in substantial amounts but then gain in it right back. Still Dean didn’t push Castiel--who was finally stable after a few hours--- to eat any more than he could.

            Dean just watched Castiel nimble on the cold meat loaf and drink the tea. Sitting silently waiting for Cas to speak whenever he was ready. Though Castiel ate quietly and pushed the food away. He wasn’t hungry honestly but he didn’t want to make a fuss out of it.

Dean took the tray and sat it on the end table. Another quiet moment passed between them. Castiel curled up into the blankets Dean had he got for him and began to sob and shake.

            Dean reached over to him immediately. Rubbing Castiel’s back and whispering to him, “Shhh, It’s okay. Everything is okay, Castiel. Everything will be fine.” Dean leaned closer and kissed Castiel’s hair and held him.

            “D-dean…” Castiel finally began. “I’m so sorry.” Laying underneath Dean’s warm embrace Castiel mumbled apology after apology. He gripped onto Dean’s shoulder and the tight bandage on his wrist brushed up against Dean’s shirt. Dean looked down at it and shook his head.  

“Don’t Castiel… don’t be. Don’t ever be sorry Cas.” Dean took Castiel’s hand carefully.

But Castiel trembled the truthful words, “I deleted your messages. You were trying to reach out to me but I avoided you.”

            “Don’t worry about it Cas…I understand.” Dean whispered. “I understand so much more than what you can believe.”

 

            Castiel shook his head and felt the hot heavy tears come out his eyes.

            “No…. you don’t Dean.” He said and continued to tremble.

“What happened?” Dean whispered in Cas’ ear. “After that day we were together?”

 

Castiel closed his eyes and curled into a tighter ball. Unable to bring himself to speak on it. Unable to think about it. So much had happened since that day and Castiel couldn’t comprehend it all. Dean could tell. So he didn’t repeat his question or press Cas…Dean just remained silent and patient while Castiel continued to shake and sob.

 “Can I kiss you?” Dean asked after a while and with those words Castiel rolled over onto his back. Opening his arms for Dean and receiving him deeply.

The weeks had passed and Castiel didn’t realize how hungry he was for Dean. In all his pain, neglect and self-harm, Castiel had ignored what he truly needed. And he blamed himself for pushing away the only person that he knew cared about him.

 Still the kiss was so sudden, warm and deep that it made Castiel ache in more pain then he ever thought he’d endure. But it was as if Dean could feel his pain that he took Castiel closer into his arms and kissed harder. Dean wished he could touch Cas’ soul and truly comfort him. He wished that he could be with him like the night before. But a fear stabbed inside of Dean and he was afraid that maybe he wasn’t enough. Maybe his kiss wasn’t enough. So he pulled away gently to look at his Castiel…touching his face and letting the heavy light words leave his lips in an inaudible whisper.

“I love you.”

 

Castiel’s eyes winced as the words rip roared in his heart. Confusion and worry eating at his mind.

            “Dean?” He began but soon Dean kissed him again. Somber moans escaping both their throats. Castiel felt his body become loose as Dean kissed and held him tighter. Lifting him up and crossing his arms around Cas’ soft back. Castiel pulled back in order to breathe…but only ending up suffocating in more, _“I love you’s,”_ from Dean and soft kisses to the neck and ample collarbones.

Tears burned through Castiel eyes and his heart ached just as he got the solid courage to say,

            “I love you to.”

Looking at one another the two lovers touched and held one another. Pressing their foreheads together and whispering soft apologies the two kissed once more.

that's when the room door opened and closed in a vicious slam.

Dean and Cas looked up as soon as they heard Charles step in. but it was too late Castiel saw his father’s angry face and knew that Charles witnessed the kiss.

Dean stood up straight and looked at Pastor Novak. His eyes squinting in an equal fury as the older man’s. Charles lips pulled back to an angry thin line as he shook a finger at his son, stepping forward.

“You. Are. Going. To. Go. To. Hell. Boy.” Charles said through his teeth. He looked at Castiel’s bandaged wrist and scoffed harshly.  

“Dad…” Castiel begged and attempted to cover himself with the blankets attempting to shield himself away from his father’s words and to hide his bandages. But Dean stepped in between the two of them. Being Castiel’s shield. Dean looked the man square in the eye and balled his fist. He didn’t have to know all what happened that night between Charles and Cas.

 

Dean just remembered the sight of Castiel that morning before at school. The swollen welts and deep red bruises. Dean knew it in his heart that Charles Novak hurt his son in some horrid way and Dean was ready to defend Castiel at any second.

 

“You better step away from my son, Winchester.” Charles snapped at Dean. “He doesn’t need to associate with the likes of you.” 

Dean remained exactly where he stood. Shaking his head. Charles stepped closer into Dean’s face. “I said move.”  

 Dean  came into Pastor Novak’s face...standing within inches. Dean could smell the whiskey, see the make-up smears on his shirt and further knew immediately what kind of man he was.

            “You’re the one who is going to be in hell.” Dean said and Charles gave Dean Winchester a violent look that Castiel recognized immediately in fear. Castiel got up in the bed, reaching for Dean and shaking his head.

“Dean! Dean, don’t please! Just go. Just go I’ll be fine. We can talk later.”

“No Cas, I’m not going anywhere.” Dean said. Feeling Castiel’s hands run down his left arm to his hand. Dean squeezed his hands around Castiel’s. interlocking their fingers together.

 

            Charles saw their union and felt a burning agitation raise inside him and with no self-control Charles Novak pounced on Dean. Punching the seventeen year olds face and grabbing him by the hair quickly. Smashing Dean against the wall.

“STOP IT!” Castiel struggled to get up as he saw his father hurt Dean. The man was stronger than he looked and Dean struggled in the Charles' grip as he was suddenly dragged to the floor and choked out.

 

“YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST TURN MY SON INTO SOME FAG THEN YOU’RE WRONG!!” Charles roared. Blinded by rage he tightened his grip around Dean’s throat.

Dean had held his own for as long as he could. Punching Charles in the ribs repeatedly. Hard. But as the man choked him, hard, Dean began to pass out.

And in a split second Dean thought of his mother and how she died…..Dean’s heart dropped as he realized the same thing was about to happen to him.

 Castiel, screaming for help, jumped on his father’s back and attempted to pull him off. Punching his back and pulling at his hair. Not realizing he was hitting his own father Castiel lost himself in anger and clawed Charles’ back. Charles let go of Dean Winchester immediately and turned his attention toward his son. Getting up and pushing Castiel into the corner.

“SO THAT’S WHAT YOU GONNA DO, CASTIEL! …..YOU’RE GONNA CHOOSE SOME FAGGOT OVER YOU OWN FLESH AND BLOOD!!!” Charles slapped Castiel and slammed him on the wall.

“Daddy don’t…” Castiel groaned and pain. Scared and truly sorry for what he had just did. Castiel had always been an obedient son. Always doing as he was told….but as Charles had put his hands on Dean- his friend….his love- Castiel had lost himself in a brand new form of rage. And it only took one more slap from Charles….one more push against the wall. Before everything came rushing out. 

“I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!” Castiel bellowed and roared. Grabbing his father’s face and smashing it until they both hit the floor. “I HATE YOU!!!!”

Security and the nurses barged into the room. Castiel yelling and cursing at his father as the security guards pulled him off of Charles. The nurses helping Dean off the floor slowly and everyone watching as Castiel shouted at the top of his lungs.

            “I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”

The security guards pushed Castiel into the corner to keep him separated from Charles who roared back,

“HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY!! I’M YOU’RE FATHER, BOY!”

 “You’re no father to me!” Castiel screamed until his voice was hoarse. “You’ve been hurting me for years! You beat me almost every single day! You molested me!”

“Molested you?” Charles stepped back....feigning shock. “What you talking about. I’ve never touched you, Cas!”

Castiel was blinded in outrage and rushed forward to hit his father but was caught by a guard and pushed back. He continued to scream,

“You fucking molested me! You beat me when those boys tried to hurt me in the alleyway. Telling me it was my fault that it happened! You've called me worthless! You raped my brother right in front of me!” Castiel cried and felt his whole body convulse as truths after truths poured out of him. “You’re the reason why Gabriel killed himself! You’re the reason why I wanted to die!”

 Dean rushed over to Castiel and held him as he cried. Trying to help him calm down for his own sake but Castiel continued to scream. 

            Charles Novak stepped back. The security guards moved to escort the older man out of the hospital room when Charles began to shout,

“DON’T THINK YOU'RE WELCOMED BACK IN MY HOUSE BOY! REMEMBER THAT! YOU’RE NO LONGER WELCOME!”   

Charles rushed out before the guards could grab him. Running out the hospital and to his car hastily. Quickly without second thought Charles made his way out of the small town. Knowing that the rumors will spread.  Knowing that people will begin to talk.  Just as they talked when Gabriel died.

* * *

 

The news spread through Belleview like a virus and the police questioned Cas and Dean on everything that had happened. Ranging from the fight in the room to Castiel's abuse.  Through tears and help from Dean Castiel told the truth about it all. Relief washing over him as the cops agreed to put out a warrant for Charles’ arrest.

The days went by and Dean stayed by Castiel’s side. Not caring about school and how far behind they both were. The nurses allowed Dean to stay by Castiel’s side because of how inseparable they were. Some even admired how much Dean cared for Cas with making sure he had everything he needed. Making sure Castiel felt safe. Yet unfortunately, Castiel still had to be taken to the mental facility outside of the town for his attempted suicide. Dean knew the place all to well. he worried for Cas at first but then started to let Castiel know how to survive a mental hospital. 

“It’s not so bad. Just follow the rules, go to the therapy sessions and they’ll let you out early, okay?” Dean whispered to Cas on the day he was to be taken away. Castiel nodded sorrowfully. Tearing up and swallowing down a sob. Dean pressed his forehead to Cas’ and cupped his face into his palms. Wiping away the tears with his thumbs.

“Can I kiss you?” Dean asked as he always did when Castiel cried. Cas nodded quickly.

“You can always kiss me, Dean.” Castiel said lowly and shook as Dean softly pressed his lips against his.

The days seemed to go by in a blur and Castiel followed the rules and went to the sessions. Soon he was released on the week before the Holidays. Not knowing of his father's whereabouts and never wanting to return to his house Castiel was accepted into Bobby and Ellen Singer's home with open arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time making it to a tenth chapter of a WIP fic. So I'll be taking a small break from it in order to celebrate it. But i promise to return soon to (hopefully) marathon write 10 more chapters. Thanks for sticking around through all the angst. I promise to bring in some major fluff to heal you guys. <3 <3 <3  
> Be sure to comment, sub and hit the Kudo button! I'd love to hear from you guys. Take care. <3


	11. Let Me Know. Part 1

**Christmas Eve, morning.**

* * *

       

           Castiel opened his eyes slowly and curled into a ball under the extra warm blanket that Dean had placed over him during the night without his knowledge. Dean was sleeping on the floor beside Cas, while he was lying on the couch. The living room was dimly lit by the twinkle of light coming from the Christmas tree. A gold and white glow lit up the corner of the room and temperature was cool but not too cold. Uncle Bobby showed Dean how to fix the furnace earlier in the week before Castiel arrived from the hospital. It was still a bit whacky but everyone in the house wore thick sweaters and wool socks to keep chill off.

 

            It was in the middle of the night when Dean had woken up in his room. Feeling cold as the furnace had went back out. Without second thought Dean got up out of bed with all his covers and went to go check on Cas. Bundled up on the couch and shivering, Dean heart dropped at the sight of Castiel. So he took his comforter and placed it around Cas gently. Careful not to wake him.  

Too tired to go back to his room Dean sat down on the floor beside Castiel. Cold, drifting off and listening to rumble sound of the furnace as it thankfully kicked back on so the house can have some heat. The living room became less chilly as the warm air crept in through the vents. The snowy morning came slowly as Dean and Cas slept through the hours.  

 

When Castiel finally opened his eyes all the way, he sat up immediately once he realized there was extra heat and heaviness of the blankets around his body. He looked around confused for a moment not knowing what was going on and then paused as he saw Dean sitting on the floor. Head cocked to the side in a deep yet slightly uncomfortable sleep.

 

“Dean.” Castiel began but he stopped himself in time before waking Dean up. Without thinking about it Cas climbed off the couch taking all the covers and kneeling beside Dean. Curling the blankets around both of their bodies and sitting close to Dean. Dean moved in his sleep feeling the heat and turned over just in time to nuzzle up next to Castiel.

“Dean…” Cas whispered softly. Wrapping the covers around him and Dean closely. The two were snuggled up in an instant and Castiel touched Dean’s light colored hair and rest his head against his.

 

            For a while the two sat together that way as the moments passed and Castiel closed his eyes and day dreamed waiting for Dean to wake up. Feeling warm and safe Cas looked out the window and looked at the snow. It was coming down heavily outside and everyone in the neighborhood was tucked away in their homes for the holiday.

 

Ellen and Bobby had already done their shopping for Christmas day before Cas’ arrival. So the house was packed with groceries and the large boxes of gifts were stuffed under the tree. There was also plenty to eat but Ellen will hold off to the middle of the day to finally start cooking the holiday meal as she usually does.  

            “Would you like to help me with cooking Christmas dinner, Castiel?” Ellen had asked kindly as she laid out the bundle of sheets and blankets for Cas on the couch the night he arrived. Castiel nodded timidly and took the other ends of the sheets to tuck them around the cushions.

 

            Castiel had felt a little nervous being at the Singer’s house. Nervous that Bobby and Ellen welcomed him so warmly. It astounded him. But he was grateful and was ready to show his appreciation.

“My mom, Naomi, showed me how to cook ham and macaroni & cheese once.” Castiel said to Ellen. “Though I’m more into baking desserts than anything else.”  

“Oh really, anything you have in mind? I’ve brought loads of things from the market but I can run out and get you something if you need.” Ellen said.

“Do you have cookie mix?” Cas asked with high brows.

“We sure do and I brought brownie mix as well.” Ellen smiled. “You can bake that too, if you want.”

Cas nodded and sat on the bundle just after they tossed the last blanket on.

“Thank you for everything, Mrs. Singer.” Cas smiled back and receive a gentle pat on the shoulder.   

 

“If there is anything you need let me know, okay?” Ellen said before walking away. Cas nodded and heard the grumbles and groans of both Bobby Singer and Dean as they had stumbled back into the house from shoving the snow.

“Boy! It’s cold out there!” Bobby growled and was greeted with a tiny kiss from Ellen. Dean took off his coat and boots near the front door and walked over to Castiel. Not talking or complaining about the snow. Just sitting next to Cas close and resting his head on his shoulder.

Castiel blushed and knew Dean was glad to have him back. So he rested his head against Dean’s also and thought of what Ellen had said just seconds ago.

 

_“If there is anything you need let me know, okay?”_

Castiel thought of what he needed and it wasn’t something that Ellen could give him at the moment. Granted it was she and Bobby who convinced the police to not contact Child Services. Saying that they could take Castiel in especially during the holiday. They were already giving him the family that he needed and Castiel was so grateful. But there was something else on his mind.

_Dean…_

The thing on his mind was Dean and that thing he needed was only something that Dean could give.

 

Love. His love.

 

Castiel sat still now looking out the window as Dean slept thinking of the day at the hospital. When Dean kissed him so deeply and whispered the words:

 

_I love you._

His heart racing a little bit at the thought of it. Castiel couldn’t believe it. But he said it back. Cas remembered how he said, “ _I love you to.”_

 

But something was off in his body about it. Castiel was scared of it. He questioned it secretly while he was away at the institution. It was painful and shocking and Castiel Novak wondered.

_‘Why would anyone love me?’_

 

Impatient and wanting Cas looked down at Dean. Touching his eyelashes gently and kissing his cheek.

 

‘Why would _you_ love me?’ Castiel continued to think as the morning grew late and Dean’s eyes fluttered awake.

 

“Cas…” Dean opened his eyes and noticed how close Castiel was. There was silence between them as they looked at each other. The same mysterious heaviness hanging between them as they eye’s met and looked in wonder.

 

“What is it?” Dean asked gently. Castiel thought more of that day and looked down at his wrist. The scars were visible yet fading soon along with the other marks and blemishes as well. Castiel blinked and exhaled simply. Dean studied Castiel’s expression and sat up, looking at Castiel’s wrist as well.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked slowly taking Cas’ hands into his own.

 

            ‘Why do you love me?’ Castiel thought again... his heart beating slow. Painfully. He didn’t have the courage to ask…. but he remembered. And he yearned for it. To be told….to hear Dean say the words again. He just lacked courage. And the morning…the morning was just too soft.

 

Cas didn’t realize his eyes were closed when Dean touched his cheek. Wiping away a little tear with his thumb.

“Are you alright?” Dean whispered and Castiel took a breath then finally nodded.

 

“Yes.” He lied with a tender smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just my attempt to write a soft chapter after so hurt and pain for Dean and Cas. this one has just a light angst to it but still soft and loving as can be.  
> Hope you guys like it. More love and fluff to come soon!


	12. Let Me Know. Part 2

      “You know….. you don’t have to lie to me.” Dean sat on top of the kitchen counter just as Castiel pulled the second batch of sugar cookies out of the oven. Cas turned, perplexed with high brows. Catching the seriousness in Dean’s eye his belly lurched and he blushed in embarrassment. Earlier that day Cas had moved away from Dean before saying anything. But he knew that Dean knew very well that it was a lie. Castiel was not alright…. he was far from it.

 

     Still now Cas forced a chuckled while placing the cookies on a plate. Trying to keep his composure and control his shaky hands. Dean cocked a brow and saw Cas’ struggle. The kitchen went silent for a moment as Cas worked and Dean stared. Aunt Ellen and Uncle Bobby were talking quietly while a Christmas movie played on television. Castiel ignored Dean’s glare and focused on baking more desserts. Dinner was nearly ready for the night and Cas was taking advantage of his turn in the kitchen while Ellen took her break. Everything was all good. Until Dean had come over and sat on the counter.

 

            Castiel now prepared and stirred the new batter for double fudge chocolate brownies. Counting the seconds in his head as he waited for Dean to finally jump off the counter and come toward him. And Dean did so swiftly as if he could read Cas’ mind. Walking up behind the younger boy Dean reached around and grabbed a cookie from the dessert pile. Castiel went to slap away Dean’s hand but he was too slow.

“Hey!” Castiel complained and broke the cookie away from Dean’s lips. “At least ask first, Dean.” The older boy shrugged and chewed on the remained bit of cookie in his mouth. Swallowing and stepping closer to Castiel Dean grabbed Cas by the waist and pressed his lips to Cas’ temple.

 

“You said you were okay, Cas….” Dean paused. Gingerly touching Castiel’s scarred wrist with a single fingertip. “But you’re not…. Why did you lie to me?”

Castiel scoffed and moved to kiss Dean but Dean backed away. Cas’ brows furrowed.

“Dean…” Cas groaned “I’m fine, seriously.”

“Then why were you crying this morning?” Dean asked in a low whisper.

 

     Castiel stood anxious and timid. Touching his hair and beginning to shake. Thinking of how Dean wiped away his tears with his thumbs. He loved it when Dean did that. He loved it when Dean kissed him….He loved Dean somehow. Cas just wasn’t sure how to ask…why would Dean care for him? It was scary because of how much they been through together and Castiel knew something wasn’t false about Dean at all. It’s just he couldn’t believe it…it was just frightening.  

 

But it was something Cas _needed_ …. truly.

 

Dean sighed and began to walk away just as Cas reached for his arm…. But Dean snatched away from his grasp. Castiel was preparing to ask the sore question though he stepped back ajar from Dean’s sudden action.

 

There was nothing between them but Aunt Ellen’s laughter coming from the living room and the loud sounds of TV commercials. Dean stood still watching from the edge of the corner as Uncle Bobby kissed Ellen on the cheek and touched her arms. He knew he was wrong for just doing what he just did but Dean was getting more than just a little upset. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like lies.

 

“Don’t ever lie to me Castiel.” Dean said with his back to Cas. “I know you’re still hurting…. Believe me. I was hurting for days after I had tried to kill myself.”  

 

“What....Dean?” Castiel’s eyes widened in shock.

 

“I threw myself off the local bridge after Sammy died.” Dean said lowly and turned around. “I think about it all the time. And I know how it feels so don’t ever lie to me about it. Please. Because I don’t know if what I’d do if I lost you to.”

 

Castiel touched his scar and shook his head, “It’s not like that Dean.”

 

“Then what?” Dean pulled his brows together and rested his hands on the counter top.

 

Castiel lowered his head and looked at Dean’s hands. They were strong and large and Castiel wanted them…He needed them. It was a struggle but Castiel managed to finally say it,

“Y-you said you loved me when I was in the hospital….and I was wondering….” Castiel allowed his voice to trail off for a moment. Not finishing his sentence.

“Wondering about what?” Dean asked becoming impatient. His grip on the counter remaining firm.     

Castiel ached when he saw the grip….the turn of Dean’s white knuckles and fingers. With his heart thumping he took a deep breath.

“I was wondering why-y.” He struggled and touched his chest. feeling his heart pound then hugging his ample waist and feeling his shoulders shake. “It’s not like I’m anything special, you know? I’m just me. Like…why would you love someone like me.”

 

Dean loosened his grip on the counter top and laughed suddenly. Castiel looked up and frowned.

“Dean I’m serious…”

 

“You don’t listen do you Cas.” Dean continued to chuckle. “I threw myself off a bridge and nearly died…. I’m nothing special either.”

Castiel shook his head. Giving up on Dean and turning back to stir the brownie batter. Wiping tears with his arms.

 

Dean stopped laughing and saw how Castiel’s shoulders were trembling.

“Cas….” Dean began to step forward. But Castiel shook his head again.

“You don’t get it, Dean.” Cas said in low sobs.

“Then tell me the truth.” Dean spoke firmly. “Stop crying and just tell me.” He rushed closer and took Castiel’s waist making him turn back around. With his eyes downcast and lashes sticking together from tears Castiel refused to look back up at Dean. Not afraid, angry or remorseful but just hurt. Confused. And yearning for the feel of Dean’s hands. But still Castiel backed away. Breathing hard and anxious.

“Cas…” Dean sighed and begged his lover’s name. And it must have been in the sound of his voice because Castiel finally looked up. Taking Dean’s hands into his own.

“Dean, I wanted to know…. why have you been so kind to me. Why did you save me when Asmodeus and his brothers were hurting me? When you could have just left…. Why did you want to kiss me that day….and how…why would want to love me when I am not worth anything?”

Dean brow furrowed as Cas continued, “I mean it’s not like I’m even attractive.”  

 

“Don’t.” Dean shook his head and touched Castiel’s hair. “Don’t Cas.”  

“But Dean. There’s so much--” Castiel started to cry again and Dean hugged him tight.

     “First of all Cas…. You are not worthless. You’re perfect. You’re amazing and wonderful. And completely perfect just the way you are. And I saved you that day because not only was it the right thing to do but because I saw you and I can see that you don’t deserve to be treated like shit… ever. Castiel…. I kissed you that day because I wanted to…. I wanted to comfort you somehow. And if you can allow me to be selfish for a moment…I just wanted to hold you. I want to hold you when you are hurting because I don’t know what else I can do for you…. You had me worried when you weren’t replying to my messages. I was scared when I found you in the bathroom that day…you had lost so much blood and I was afraid that you had died. That’s when I realized I loved you. Because of how scared I was. It was a pain in my gut and I could barely think. And in my heart…. I just knew that I needed you…. Castiel. I needed you to live. Because I really don’t know what I’d do without you. I mean after my mom. Sammy…. I don’t know. I just…. Castiel…. It’s like you complete the missing pieces inside me.” 

Dean lowered his head. Resting it in the crook of Cas’ neck and falling apart in tears. Dean had been holding on to his grief, lost and need on his own for ages. Not thinking about the reasons why. But Castiel’s questions made his emotions rush and overflow and Dean couldn’t help but feel his gut quake as tears and very light cries escaped his mouth.

“I love you, Cas. I really do. And I want you and need you. You’re so beautiful and you deserve to be cared for. So don’t doubt it any more just know….just know.”

“Dean…” Castiel felt the tears run down his neck and soak into his shirt. Holding each other the two kissed and touched. Castiel caressing Dean’s shoulders while Dean kissed his eyelids.

Lost in each other the two young lovers whispered, “I love you,” thoughtlessly. Castiel shivered and lowered his head against Dean’s strong shoulder and felt it. He felt loved. Healed and wanted. The doubt in his heart and mind diminishing as Dean kissed his lips gently. Touching his forearms and rubbing his waist.

The heat between them built up and Dean could see Castiel’s blush. Dean kissed Cas’ reddening cheeks and stole another one from his lips before asking,

 

“What do you want to do, Cas?”

 

Cas smiled lightly, “I think I better get back to finishing dessert.”

“I need you.” Dean whispered quietly and chuckled lightly touching Cas’ plump cheek. “I’ve been needing you for days.”  Castiel breathed deeply and said,

“This house has thin walls, Dean. We barely were quiet enough the last time, remember?”

Dean nodded and achingly pressed his forehead to Castiel’s. Looking into Cas’ beautiful blue eyes intensely. Cas was shook but he looked back into Dean’s eyes. His own hands running down sides and feeling the press from his jeans. Castiel’s lashes fluttered and lips quivered. Aching for another kiss. Lifting his head up to meet Dean’s mouth to his Castiel touched Dean’s press and felt him squirm a little.

“I love you, baby.” Dean whispered tenderly into Cas’ mouth. “So…so much. Don’t ever doubt it, okay?”

Cas nodded and mouthed the words,  

“I love you to, Dean.” He was unable to find his voice as his own heart rapped against his chest. Then Castiel confessed, “I’ve missed you so much….I need you so much.” Dean smiled and kissed Cas. Deeply. Hungrily. Cupping his face and holding him. Losing himself in all of Castiel’s warmth and softness.

 

“What are you two love birds doing in here.” Ellen said peaking around the corner to see what Cas and her nephew were doing.

 

The two boys jumped immediately at the sound of Aunt Ellen’s voice. Castiel, embarrassed and in shock turned back to the brownie batter he was once working on and Dean pushing himself up against the cupboard door.  

“Nothing, we’re just talking, Aunt Ellen.” Dean smiled than began to walk out in order to give his aunt space in the kitchen so she could work alongside Castiel. But Ellen wasn’t fooled.

“Uh huh, I saw how you boys were all hugged up in here. You’re not fooling anyone Dean.”  Ellen smiled and went over to Cas and patted his back. “Neither are you Cas.”

Castiel blushed again and stirred the batter. He and Dean were talking for so long that the chocolate and fudge had gone a little stiff and needed to be reworked.

 “Dean and I were just making plans to go shovel the snow, Mrs. Singer.” Cas said coyly. “That way Mr. Singer won’t have to worry about it if there is any need to make a run to the market for anything.”

Ellen nodded, “Great idea Castiel! That will be so lovely and as a matter of fact Missouri Moseley invited Bobby and I over for her little get together later this evening. So it would be nice to have a clean drive way. How about you two get to that now and I’ll finish up the brownies…. besides Castiel it seems Dean is distracting you anyway.” Ellen shooed Castiel away from the mixing bowl and directed him toward the front door.

 

Castiel looked over at Dean and winked then went to go grab his boots. Dean followed and the two boys hurried out to the garage to get the shovels. 

.   .   . 

Taking care of the chore only took nearly half an hour and the two young boys would have gotten done faster if it weren’t for the constant breaks for snow ball fights, snow angels and kisses. Ellen looked out the window as she finished the holiday dinner and shook her head knowing through her own wisdom how the two lovers would act. Watching Dean and Cas reminded her of the days when she first met Bobby back in the day.

How sweet it was to be young and in love and how refreshing it was find someone to complete you. Ellen breathed deeply with a smile knowing that Castiel was good for Dean. That Dean had been through far too much and so had Cas. It was a blessing to see Dean smile now. To laugh and be joyful and see that this boy, an angel practically, was now finally with him. Ellen could see it and she moved away from the window with gratefulness in her heart. While outside Dean kissed Cas in the snow.


End file.
